Just Need Someone: Random Snippets & Sillies!
by rarcher
Summary: Total random silliness from my Aura Shepard from my mass effect fanfic Just Need Someone, reading the other stories while not totally necessary will sure make alot more sense to see Aura's personality.
1. Chapter 1

Just Need Someone: Random Bits

AN: So since I cranked out nearly four chapters in six days, plus did edits to many other chapter to fix errors I saw. I felt like doing some random bits that are set at various points in the Just Need Someone Universe that is Aura Shepard's life. I'll give notes where needed though I'll really try to not do anything that will ruin future plots of where were at in the main story. Anyhow R&R!

AN2: Also much of this might be off character for Aura...but its still funny to me and fits her in some ways.

==Mass Effect 1 – I'm a tank driver!==

Notes: This is not set on any particular planet in ME-1 its just an amusing back piece I like from an actual event that I'm sure has happened to plenty of folks!

The MAKO landed hard on the unnamed planet. Aura accompanied by Tali and Garrus for the task of taking out some random mercenary bands. Checking the overhead maps that the Normandy forwarded from orbital scans Aura laid a marker and began to follow the most direct route to their destination.

Slowly the miles passed but the large hills hiding the merc base loomed before them. Aura gunned the engine and began to climb the hill, going near on 40 degrees, then 60, Garrus and Tali leaning back hard in the seats. "..Eerrr commander? Dont you think we we should find another way around?" Garrus said.

"..Screw that! If we get to the top of this hill we can rain MAKO death from the cannon!" Aura grinned as the incline rose to 85 degrees and the stablizar core inside the tank whined heavily to compensate, its speed now barely at a walking base. Leaning forward and shifting back and front in her seat Aura said, "..Come on...just four more feet..."

The the incline proved too much and the MAKO began to tilt and stall falling back down the hill side with a heavy crash. Sending the three bumping in their seats. The MAKO now being upside down the cannon digging into the earth. "..Kellah now what!" Tali cried.

"..No worries just give it a second!" Aura said with total confidence, "..this is a CUSTOM model!" she added gunning the engine as the wheels spun helplessly and without rhyme or reason the tank rolled over after a moment. "..See? No problems!" She said

Leaning over Garrus murmured to Tali, "..Mental note, next mission with the MAKO we're sending Liara and Wrex along.." Tali eagerly nodding in reply as Aura backed the tank up and took another running go at the hill determined to get to the merc base by the hill again this time at a more slight angle.

==Pre ME-1 – Shepard's Guard 'Dog'==

Note: Random scene pre ME-1 where two idiot privates wanna see what Aura really wears under that armor!

Private Marsh and Leons under the cloak of an infiltrator crept silently into the overridden cabin lock on the SSV Elvis. Stalking into Lieutenant Aura Shepard's cabin while she was snoring nearby in her bed. The two young men grinned silently to each other regardless that neither could see the other except for the carefully configured radar.

Striding over to the dresser unit, Marsh slid it open silently, "..I hear she wears satin black!" he hissed

"..Yeah? Well I hear she wears blood red! Stained from the back wash of her enemies!" Leons said hunching near Marsh.

"..Piff no way! She's badass but she wouldnt soak her underwear in the blood of her enemies!" Marsh replied finally sliding the upper drawer open enough to look inside, but the darkness prevented a good view on what secrets lay within. "..Damnit activate your omni-tool we need light!" he hissed

Hands shaking Leons nodded turning it on and angling his left arm over the drawer. Peering in both privates gasped as they briefly caught site of a small cage, then next to roughly piled feminine underwear. All in black and red color tones of the N7 program. They had only just barely registered this when the top of the cage flipped off and two biotic blue hued hamsters squeaking loudly leapt at Marsh and Leon chattering and clawing at their eyes.

Screaming in panic both men flailed falling to the ground, "..ARGH my eyes its going for my eyes!" both yelled.

Barely ten minutes later both private were dragged away in omin-cuffs as Aura dressed only in an N7 sleeping gown, gently picked up the two hamsters, "..Good job Minsc and Boo, those 300 extra credits to buy you two and train you like that sure pays off to keep the unwanted idiots out of my personals.." She said closing the cages again as this time they were placed back in their usual spots on a small shelf near the bed. "..Knew one or both of them would try this eventually...damn idiots.."

==ME-2 – Alternate way to deal with Morinth==

Note: On some level I really think given how Aura was in ME-2 she might have done this had we had the choice! LOL I mean sure she was 100% paragon but I did use a few renegade interrupts at time, given Samara's loyalty mission took place just shy of the omega-4 jump in my one game play for this. I figure she'd do this just so she wouldnt risk the slim chance of screwing things up. Not that she didnt trust Samara its just this was the safer option.

Aura finished dealing with some various problems in Afterlife, and she was striding down the side near the dance floor when she saw a black garbed asari call out to her, "..You're the most interesting person in here tonight, feel like a drink? My treat.." The seductive ardat-yakshi purred.

Giving an interested grin and look over, all an act of course inwardly. Aura followed along, then as soon as Morinth had her back to her Aura stepped in, seized her neck and twisted, a sickening snap of bone being heard. As the dead Ardat-Yakshi crumbled.

Casting a glance at the shocked patrons she said, "..Spectre business.." then picking up the corpse by its left arm dragged it out to where Samara had been waiting.

==ME-2 – Influenced Gained: Kasumi, Influence Lost: Samara==

Note: Ok this is totally AU and a total silly to Aura, but when I first played ME-2 I really expected Samara to at some point protest looting random vaults for credits LOL I mean surely that violates the code no? Oath or not.

"..Nice 400 credits, now we can buy that upgrade in the Illium Markets.." Aura said.

"..Ohhh the one that lets one cloak longer? Oh Shep you shoudnt have!" Kasumi said.

"..Shepard, I do not approve of this course of action.." Samara said with a frown.

==ME-1 – WTF is this panel for!?...Ewwww Kaiden==

Note: Ok this is a slight joke for any Shepard I have for playing Mass Effect. First time I played ME-1 and Kaiden was nuked first thing I did was go see if we could find out that panel was. I like to think given I was starting Kaiden's romance stuff by this point he had a few errr...interesting bits forgotten to log out on. Also this is ooc for Aura as well fyi...

Aura sighed rubbing her head, she felt tired after their recent mission on Virmire, where she had been left with the difficult choice of saving Ashley or Kaiden. Her mind argued for both, but she only had the time for one. In the end the benefit of having an STG team owing her a favor appealed more to her and she had saved Ashley and the team as a result.

Now after dealing with her own turmoil of feelings a day later she was determined to figure out just what Kaiden's work panel was for. Striding up she blanched as she found his personal log in was still active. Craning head to the left on a near right angle she said, "..That is, soooo inappropriate.." she stated finding a 3d Model of herself posed in various ways with Kaiden looking like some heroic superhuman biotic god.

Startling her from behind, Garrus cleared his throat and commented, "..Wow you sure got some uh...flexibility there commander.."

==ME-2 – Meet Aaron Shepard!==

Notes: Ok Aaron Shepard is basically my Aura Shepard but...a man LOL. But being the man idiot he is he's not so...charming with Samara...plus he was Miranda romance playthrough.

Aaron clasped the hands of the Elder Justicar, as she spoke, "..Shepard this makes a relationship between us impossible.." the near Matriarch asari stated.

"..Well how about some casual sex?" He said.

Their was a brief flicker of something in Samara's eyes that was definitely colder then usual when she stated. "..Shepard, were I a maiden I would take you upon the floor, but I am not. Excuse me." She said leaving with a clear body posture that showed she was holding back a bit of anger.

As the door shut Aaron coolly shrugged, and ran a hand through his dark red crew cut hair. "..Ah well, Miranda baby here I come!" He said swaggering out the room.

==ME-3 – Bad ass stare down...dont blink dont blink==

Note: Rannoch, laser gun targeting, and staring contest with a Reaper...nuff said. Also Aura's comment at the end is literally me jumping up and saying that when I first played it LOL

Aura rolled to the side as she once more avoided the lancing shots of the Reaper's beam. She was battered and bloody, sweaty and exhausted, as the Reaper was now barely scant yards off the cliff where she had been ducking and weaving this whole time as she lined up targeting shots for the Quarian fleet above.

Finally she came up on the right hand most side of the cliff face and brought the targeting laser online again aiming it right down the maw of the charging Reaper's lens. There would be no dodging this time, and it was a race to see which would fire first, the Fleet or the Reaper.

Aura kept her gaze hardened, blood seeping her face in spots. She felt oddly calm staring death in the face. Oddly this seemed far better a fate then getting spaced where she couldn't even fight back. She felt her chest contract and her mind wish that if she didnt survive that there had been a way to. It was barely two weeks since Samara and her had shared a passionate kiss on the Citadel and promised to commit to a relationship.

Now that promise looked like it might get broken...

Finally just as she was sure the Reaper was ready to fire there was a 'BEEP' from the synching laser and incoming fire rained down hard onto the Reaper destroyer. Letting out a whoop of joy Aura shouted. "..Yeah that's right SUCK IT BITCH!" As it feel to the ground, Aura knew that everything would be alright.

Then Tali and Legion showed up and things got a lot more complicated...

==ME-3 – Commander Lola==

Note: James...how much I hated you in all my play through. Also so useless!

"..You remind me of my old CO, she was a total bad ass too, though not quite the Lola you are.." James said after the two had spent the time sparring, wiping away a few specks of blood that he had on his lip.

Aura frowned, "..It's COMMANDER, got it? And if you say that again you're going to get reassigned.." she said.

"..Right no problem, Lola, and I doubt you'll get approval for that, given you need me.." James said striding off.

=1 Day Later – Citadel=

Liara looked puzzled as the Normandy pulled away after getting their assignments for the war against the Reapers, "..Shepard, where is James?" the asari asked.

"..James? Oh he got reassigned.." Aura said with a innocent smile.

"..Oh, I see.." Liara said striding off

Meanwhile back on the Citadel at the docks, one beef cake human solider was leaving out a string of curses in Spanish.

==ME-3 – ONLY use for James==

Tali spoke as Aura, James and her came up to the first defense cannons on Rannoch. "..Someone needs to shut down the cannons Shepard, who will it be?" She asked.

"..James you're up.." Aura said.

"..Eh techs not my thing but I'll pull a few wires and see what happens.." He said striding forward to kick the cannon's innards.

Aura just gave an amused grin.

==Meanwhile in the real world==

Robert silently laughed, then hit the load option to restart the mission. "..Ok sole use laugh done.."

==ME-3 – 100% EMS + All possible correct choices for the trilogy = Trolling Bioware==

Note: Extended Cut...shoot the god child, even with 100% EMS and all the possible rigth choices for paragon and renegade to get the most EMS, still loose. Again this would be AU to the canon events that happen in Just Need Someone. God damnit bioware...

Aura turned on the AI child, firing her gun, "..Fuck off!" She said.

Then with a deep rumble that clearly was sounding like Harbringer, "..So be it.." it said vanishing leaving Aura alone on the platform.

Despite all the right choices, despite all the sacrifice, effort, and striving by the whole galaxy, eventually everyone died, and the Yag rose to prominence 50 thousand years later and using a information cache found on a remote planet defeated the Reapers.

==Post ME-3 – WTF storyteller==

Note: I can NOT be the only one that found the idea of some old man giving explicit details to a child of Shepard's story horrifying LOL. Given how much sexy times Shepard can get, not to mention sitting and watching strippers LOL. Again god damnit bioware...

"..And thats the tale of the Shepard child.." The old man said.

"..Did that all really happen?" The child asked.

"..Yes, though some of the details have been lost over time.." The old man said.

"..Tell me another tale of the Shepard?" The child sweetly asked.

"..Well ok...one more story.." he said. "..There was this one Shepard that walked into a stripper bar...sat down...then leaned forward."

"...Ohhhh..."

==Post ME-3 – Cut content==

Note: Ok this was a cut idea I had for Just Need Someone when Aura first came on Omega after being saved. For anyone that has read my self insert series Into The Game, of me and my college buddies into the game Neverwinter nights 1, this was an idea I had where after neverwinter nights 1 all of us would wind up going to different bioware games in an overarching story. My bud Sam would have wound up post-ME3 to help Aura fight the Ancients.

Aura walked passed the lined up crowds outside Afterlife, and paused as the doors slid open and a stocky mid 20s human man was being dragged out. "..But I can help honest!.." the human cried.

"..Quiet human.." The plump Volus said tossing the human man out onto his back using his biotics.

Aura raised an eyebrow, "..Who is that?" She asked.

"..Some insane... *hiss* ...human that says he knows about... *hiss* ...some terrible events.. *hiss* that are going to happen. *hiss* ..Totally crazy obviously.." The Volus said striding away.

Aura pursed her lips then shrugged walking back into Afterlife. As the stocky human stumbled off muttering about how all reality would be destroyed.

AN3: And on that note there's some randomness done, as I said totally unrelated to most stuff in my just need someone universe lore :D some may make it in by side glanced speech or something but otherwise its all just sillyness


	2. Chapter 2

Just Need Someone: Random Bits 2

AN: Well after posting the first of these a few others popped into my head!

==ME 1 – Post ME 3 – You think this is great writing to stand by?==

Notes: A sorta forth wall breaking moment in the screwed up written life of Aura Shepard

Aura looked at the piece of paper in her hand, "..So let me get this straight, regardless if I saved the council, kept my squad all alive, had all their loyalty, made countless paragon and renegade sacrifices. I still end up reaching the beam and getting some lame spewed BS staggering line down a one way hallway which could never possibly have allowed Anderson to show up at a different place. Much less really allow TIM to show up behind me out of no where! Oh and THEN I get to talk with a little AI that randomly decides to show up as the same KID that I saw in a vent at the start of this War? And regardless of all this all my choices dont matter I basically still wind up dead.." Aura said looking over the desk at the man who smiled at her like she was a 2 year old.

"..That is exactly it, we at EA and Bioware feel our writers really have nailed a solid ending to your story! We're sure that our fans will SO enjoy this!.." The man said.

"..Yet your screwing said fans by lying to their face by saying their choices matter...when CLEARLY they really dont. And dont even get me started on how your screwing ME! You set me up to have an epic story romance with a tragic asari and...and I get this dribble!?" Aura said smacking the stack of sheets.

"..Of course! We felt that all players would be happy with the closure! I do not seem to see your problem Shepard, you'll be a legend at the end of this!" The man stated.

"..A LEGEND?! Told by some old guy to a KID hundreds or thousands of years later?! You're telling me this old guy tells a KID about all the explicit lovers I supposedly have? Or the scores of fully paid for college tuition needy strippers I forked out credits too? OH YES what a respectful LEGEND I'll be!" Aura screeched

"..Shepard really you need t-" The man began then without a thought Aura pulled out her side arm and shot the man in the head.

"..God damnit my name is AURA Shepard...why cant anyone RECALL my damn first name?!.." she said then walked out the office going on a killing spree of revenge.

==Thousands of years later==

"..And that's the final story of the Shepard child.." The man said.

On his knee the child looked horrified and was bawling his eyes out. "..I dont wanna go to the stars now daddy!"

==ME 1-3 – Where should I Put my things?==

Note: Ok so regardless of Normandy if you count up the crew sizes and then reference the amount of beds...yeah even counting the sleeper pods there is SO not enough room for even half the crew to sleep with half on duty and half off duty.

"..So where should I put my things Shepard?" Random new team mate asked.

"..Oh you'll be in bathroom stall three in the men's room because some idiot down at ship design school forgot we actually need at least half a crew's worth of BEDS on this boat!.." Aura. Happily the random new team mate nodded and strode off.

==ME 2 – Next Normandy gets a bar==

Note: Annoying lines not being adjusted to account for new DLC...

"..I would hate to do this all over again Shepard.." Jacob said leaning against the table.

"..Yeah next Normandy gets a bar.." Aura said.

Jacob raised an eyebrow at the comment, "..Err Shepard we got a bar, Kasumi's sleeping in it.."

"..We got a bar?! WHEN?!" Aura said rushing out, grabbing Doctor Chakwas and spending the day getting hammered.

==Post ME3 – So you ever wonder...==

Note: Minor teaser for a later scene with Milra and Aura

Aura sat at the small cafe table on Earth in San Francisco with Milra. "..So Father, you ever wonder who your parents were?"

Aura paused in readying to sip the glass of lemonade she had in her hands, surprised by the question. "..Not really, why do you ask?" She inquired.

"..No reason, just that I was looking through some old mission files and thought a few folks you ran across back then could have been your parents.." She said with a shrug.

Aura despite herself gave a shiver, and the thoughts that random people she had helped, killed, or allied with or against could have been the parents that abandoned her to a street gang years ago.

==ME 2 – Just so we're clear...==

Note: It always sorta irked me that regardless of Shepard's alignment in regards to paragon/renegade that Shepard is so...calm about meeting Joker again, especially given he is THE reason she/he died! Hence here is the unwritten scene with Aura meeting joker again after talking to Timmy. She's cranky hence why she's not the sparkly Paragon she is later in ME2.

"..Hey Commander just like...old times?" Joker said striding in then paused as Aura turned narrowing her eyes dangerous. Privately he felt his hands grow sweety.

"..Joker! It's really you, I'm SO happy to see you well, these past two years certainly have been nice to you!" Aura said striding over, her tone seemed friendly enough Joker noted, and she didnt seem ready to go for her holstered side arm.

Then the draped arm came around his shoulder and upper body, and slowly started to squeeze as she leaned in putting enough pressure to make him wince in pain and worry. "..Before we do some catch up let me just be clear JUST in case anything happens in our little mission ahead that means we get into deep shit like before.." She said lowering her voice, "..If I give the order to abandon ship. You damn well abandon it you hear me?. We clear?" She said.

Meekly Joker nodded, and Aura released him smiling. "..Great! Now come on Miranda said something about a ship we'll be using!" She said her happier face now visible.

==ME 2 – LOTSB quick fight...==

Note: Ok if there is ONE fight I cherish in all of mass effect it is the fight against the Yahg Broker. This was so amazingly awesome for me and still gives me shivers when I do replays. Here is an alternate version of that fight however using my more renegadeish Aura (who still get's Samara in the end even though I'm likely borderline renegade in scope LOL)

"..Big talk for someone with no where left to run..surrender.." Aura said to the sitting Broker having her pistol aimed squarely at his head a few feet away.

His reply was not what Aura wanted to hear, and feeling her anger build she pulled the trigger before he could say or do anything else. The large caliber round of the M-5 hand cannon drilled into his forehead and with a heavy thud he fell off the chair in a heap.

"..Have fun Liara see you later!" Aura said turning and striding out, "..Come on Samara.."

AN2: Less then the others but I wanted to write these...


End file.
